checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
