I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
