Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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