Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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