Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
