Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
