That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
