I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
