If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
