If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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