Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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