Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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