Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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