My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
