Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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