Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
