I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
