I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
