one two three fourrrrnication!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
