hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize