i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
