I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
