Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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