I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
