therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Michael Bay diarrhea
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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