i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
