College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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