i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
