I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Is Oprah even human
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