my mouth tastes like poor choices
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
