if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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