you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
