Cold hands, warm shart.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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