Got a toothbrush?
my phone needs a breathalizer
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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