It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
