I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize