my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
