Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
