Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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