Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Im part way to drunk.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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