You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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