I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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