Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
