i think i have herpe
just one?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
