I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
COCAINE IS GR8
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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