i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
