dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
