Whod you bang
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
