Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
