I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
