You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
