Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
