Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
