We need to rekindle our bromance
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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