I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
