her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
