I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
