I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
