I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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