Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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