brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
