dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
