i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
