You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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