How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
