btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
