I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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